【美國暑期打工】deep joy and peace

I always consider myself a happy and easily-satisfied person, at least most of the time. And in some way, I'm kind of content with my life. It doesn't mean that it's flawless; rather, I always urge to try to make it to the fullest. And strangely, I really enjoy it. 

Somehow, these days, a piece of joy has crawled into my mind, which is exactly the feeling I had two years ago when I was in the southern hemisphere but don't have a clue about. Moreover, this time the feelings are stronger than it used to be. Tracing back when the feelings started, surprisingly, I found the joy popped up when I went to the deep camp night sessions with Dara those days, though combining with a lot of chaos in my head. And it grows gradually since I really opened and reading the Bible. I feel so blessed with so many angels guiding me to the way closer to God, and continuously helping me along the way with grace and huge patience.

I have no idea if God is the answer I've been searching for for years. But it feels so great that everything I've been seeking for could all attribute to Him. I'm no longer a wanderer but a follower of Him because he's got all the answer.

【美國暑期打工】Peace in mind

Around years ago, if you told me I'll be a person with a religion someday in the future, I would definitely not believe in you. Yet now, when looking back on those days I've been through and experienced, I started to realized that everything happens for a reason and God must have been arranging the path for me throughout my life.

Blessed, this summer, I'm working as a seasonal staff in Snow Mountain Ranch in Colorado. I felt so lucky to be part of it because of the choice I made at the time choosing whether I should turn down the acceptance from High Hampton Inn or not. It's always hard to let go of something that you've already had but to embrace something you don't even know if you are able to get or not. But now, I'm so glad I made the right choice at that time and it turned out that there's a better place for me this summer.

Here, is a faith-based community where I could find the peace in mind and the valid beating deep inside my heart. I feel myself like a piece of puzzle, fitted into the masterpiece. Meanwhile, it's the global village includes all ethnic from all over the world, trying to build the bridge of understanding and accepting differences among others. That's the most interesting and awesome things in life, that once we open our heart with love and kindness, every exciting possibility will come one and another.

After working for about two weeks, yesterday I was arranged to attend the orientation. Sitting and listening to the presentations for whole day, I've been struggling between tiredness and excitement. Happily, I came up with a way to not only entertain myself and others during the day but also fill up the hunger of knowledge and faith in life.

I especially love what Steve shared with us about the mission and core values of YMCA. He said, mission is our target and the core values are the how we reach the goal. Furthermore, I feel strongly connected to the five core values of YMCA, which are Honesty, Responsibility, Caring, Respect and Faith. They are not just the five should put into practice here in the camp, but to keep in mind and to carry out to the fullest in everyday of my life.

【美國暑期打工】All about being a better and greater person

Life is all about being a better and greater person.

I remember, two years ago, before I left for Australia, I wrote down a to-do list just in case that I wouldn't miss anything I want to do and anywhere I'd like to visit. On the way, I kept crossing the items I've done but also adding more at the same time. And I realized, there would never be an end keeping pursuing all of the things on the list. So, I kind of stopped focusing on that list and let it be. Just as the saying goes, plans never catch up with changes. Once I stopped sticking to the lists, the next nine months has been nearly the most incredible time in my life so far. I don't have to do or plan anything. As long as I truly be myself and follow what my heart says, there'll always have something planned for me ahead, which I haven't expected I would have experienced.

For me, that year has not only broadened my mind, but also had a great impact on knowing more about myself and what kind of life I'd like to live in my whole life.

Now, two years later, before I came to the U.S, to be frank, I didn't have enough time to be mentally prepared. But somehow I just felt so ready once I appeared at the airport, waiting for the plane about to be on board. Besides all of the hard feelings to say goodbye to the ones I'm familiar with, everything is exactly right on the position for me. I felt I was born to live this type of life and I'm so at ease with all of the uncertainties and changes coming towards me. Whoever and whatever I encounter, they'd always be the flavors in life and would bring out more of myself. In this way, I feel so blessed and grateful for all times that in this limited life I would have met such things and people that makes me stronger and leading me to a better and greater person who I've always dreamed of.

【美國暑期打工】一切都發生的自然而然

"I think, the more you travel and experience, the more you appreciate from your country."

前天半夜，走在Denver 16th street mall的街道上時，Jenny說了這麼一句話，這種感覺像是透過別人嘴巴說出自己的話，彼此之間沒有距離。

比台灣晚14小時，讓我在第一天總算抵達Denver的晚上就呈現時間軸混亂的窘境，因為時區接二連三的轉換，我也搞不清到底算搭幾小時才到達，但我記得，在飛機上我無法控制的拼命看電影、聽音樂，在LA機場度過超級漫長的夜晚，想睡也睡不好，身體直打哆嗦。但我也記得，在LA機場過夜認識一個手工藝好厲害的菲律賓女孩，很慶幸自己沒有放棄帶The Alchemist，讓我再過了快將近十年後的這個重要時間點，重讀這本我一直認為對我人生影響很大的書，然後在等早上班機時，遇到一對西班牙夫婦，讓我開心地講到了幾句西班牙文。中間所有發生的人事物，看似沒什麼，但足以讓我珍惜。

Denver的周末，是開始進入American life的起點，沙發主人Suzann和Gary是對非常特別的伴侶，博學多聞，樂於了解並接受不同文化和生活價值，也開放任何的機會和可能性。

同住host家的Wyatt，是個Arizona來的西部大男孩，因為白天他人都不在房子內，而第一天因為我嚴重時差的關係，半夜時醒來發呆睡不著，正巧遇到從房間出來的他，那是我們第一次真的見到彼此。他開心的說，因為我只會短暫停留兩天，他很願意跟我聊天，晚點再去睡覺，我們就無話不談的聊起彼此的過去和未來，而當天晚上剛好是super moon，我們就去庭院吃東西聊天，和他相處的時間非常自在，彼此的幽默很自然地發生。

隔天晚上，他要和朋友見面，他主動邀我一起去，我很少去這種場合，面對只有一個自己認識，其他全都不認識的場面，我想多少有些畏懼不知道融不融得進去吧。

但我想人生有時就是需要一個20秒的勇氣，去做自己原本因不了解而畏懼的嘗試。

而我也很開心自己跨出了這一步，我也才發現，自己也不是完全不適合這種場面，不只認識了不一樣的故事，也讓我認識且體驗多一點真正的American life。

而我才知道，只要跨出那個yes or no的抉擇後，剩下的就留給開放的心和好奇的眼睛，因為它們會帶我融入環境。

我想起星期日晚上，和Suzann及Gary道別時，Suzann微笑地對我說"Keep asking questions."

這應該就是我一直生存下去的方式吧。

寫在之前

一小部分的自己是煩躁的。
許多來不及的約，許多來不及的再見，許多來不及的擁抱，許多來不及流下來的眼淚，
令我焦躁的更是，連自己的話語和情緒都還來不及寫下來，就要狼狽的背上行囊上飛機了。

另一大部分的自己是舒坦且堅定的。

面對一切都沒有絕對的未來，我開始期待著每一段故事的交流，我開始期待著自己未來會有的跌跌撞撞，那不確定的suffering竟是種興奮的成癮。

這突如其來的複雜情緒，不是因畢業離開校園的哀悼，
而是即將與一個自己的城市道別，即將踏上一條沒太多人走過的羊腸小徑，
我不知道人生中許許多多的下一次，將會發生在何時、何地，
但我仍會持續的，在某一個角落、同一片星空，細數著下一次的到來。

沒有一個人可以明確告訴我們熱情的終點會在哪裡，
所以我只能一路的提醒著自己永遠不要放掉那顆心的活著。

悲觀中帶點樂觀

記得四月時看到彭明輝教授的一篇文章「台灣有一種病，很深，深到......」，身為讀者的你，看到這標題會不會好奇到底是哪一種病？

為了滿足我的好奇心，我就點了繼續閱讀把它看完。

http://mhperng.blogspot.tw/2013/03/blog-post_31.html

台灣的這個病是「沒有國際觀」。

【那一年的南十字星空】(三) 一個國家不代表一種人

這是我那一年所深深感觸到的第三件事：一個國家不代表一種人。

成長的足跡

當每一次的回頭看，會心一笑起昔日的自己，那或許就是成長的足跡吧。

時間飛快，晃眼間，腳都快跟不上腦了......

人時時刻刻都在改變，最近時常接觸什麼資訊，腦袋的轉動就常圍繞在那圈子。有時覺得那很像個死胡同的迷宮，讓自己死心蹋地的在那繞圈子，但不可否認的，這種圈子一直不斷在塑造著某個樣貌的自己。然後也許時間過久了，自己又會因為周圍所接收到的環境，轉變成另一種樣貌。

然而，在這種持續變化的型態中，總有些因子是自己多年來改變不大的，可能是因為血液裡流著的吧，這些因子或許不見得稱得上是什麼專業能力，就是興趣罷了，而擁有這些因子的感覺很舒服，它們像是生活的骨架，把幸福給撐了起來。

給親愛的妳【四】an updated reminder for you

親愛的妳，

妳有多久沒有好好的回頭看了？

我似乎不該殘忍的指控妳遺棄這裡好一段時間，因為我知道妳偶爾會打開這個網頁，試圖想要花點時間整理一下在蘭嶼那一個月的感受、以及從蘭嶼回來後的一些故事。

然而妳停住了，不斷把時間花在做著緊急的事、該做的事，結果記錄這種看似不起眼卻很珍貴的事就一點一滴地在時光中蹉跎掉了。

所以，在期中考告一個段落且許多作業報告算是有一個小進度的此時，我想我必須上來條列式的幫妳整理一下2013年的前三分之一妳所經歷的一些重要的人事物，以便之後妳要好好地記錄這些感動時，卻找不回來了。

蘭嶼．人之島

一個月，兩個月，再過不久就要三個月...
如果再這樣放空下去的話，我到底還是不是我？
我的腦袋應該會被腐蝕，然後就不小心給蒸發吧。

剛開學的我，剛回到台灣本島不久，利用寒假一個月的時間，重新回到那個從去年夏天踏上便一直讓人思念的土地－蘭嶼。